yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
