you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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