whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
