Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
