i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize