she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
