I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
