Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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