I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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