I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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