Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
