I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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