ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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