Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Welp...herpes.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Drake has all the answers
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
