I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
