sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
