I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
