Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
