My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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