It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
