Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
