I hate your face
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize