I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Its about making memories worth repressing
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
