I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
