gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
