Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Randomize
