I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
there is puke in my bra ... again
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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