Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
