I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize