this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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