white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
