bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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