I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
