i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
