She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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