Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
