I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
