We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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