so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
