so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize