ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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