It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize