First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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