Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
