belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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