I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
