I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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