My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
