Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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