i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
