so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
