Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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