my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
