Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
