hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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