Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
