The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
