shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
