I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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