you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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